Ultimate Dorks

Dave Mathews Band and binge drinking aside, is there anything more college cliche than playing frisbee? It is unjustified and I can't explain it, but few things make me angrier than the people who get together to play this competitively. First, its not a sport. Sports are played with balls, something you apparently lack because you have decided to participate in a game in which males and females participate simultaneously. Perhaps you lack athletic ability and playing against females is more out of necessity than anything. Second, adding the name football, or ultimate to the name does not conceal or enhance the word frisbee. It is still a pussy game, played by pussy people. If you want to alter the name, why not call it what it looks like to bystanders, 'fetch'.

Practicality:

Don't order a "venti" at Starbucks. Giving a drink quantity an Italian number as a name does not make it more cultured or worldly. Why don't they name the 12oz a dodici and 16oz a sedici? Simple, people wouldn't know how to say it, and it would be confusing. Take away the Italian influence and give the sizes their English names and from smallest to largest you get "tall", "big", and "twenty". Now try and not feel dumb the next time your hardass wants $5 worth of coffee and milk.

Do take any bet Dave gives you. After betting dinner on the outcome of a team racing game of Mario Kart, Dave actually won 3 out of 4 races. Regardless, my team placed better and I won in points. Such is Dave's luck.

Don't act gay without a girlfriend. No matter how comfortable you are with your sexual identity, your impression boils down to one simple factor, whether you have a girlfriend. As demonstrated this weekend, Cid (has a girlfriend) and myself (has a cat) acted in a presumptuously gay manner. A way which never garnered any attention the previous three years of college when Cid and I almost always had girlfriends, yet the only person who received gay inquiries this weekend was myself. Need a girlfriend... any takers?

Don't wear sweaters to bars. Being compared to Mr. Rogers all night is both an ego trip and a buzz kill.