Here I am, my third night living alone in Iowa City.

If you must know a little about my situation, all I must tell you is that it is lonely. I have a two bedroom apartment. I am the only one who lives in it. The first night I drug my mattress out to the living room to sleep.... Since that has happened I have not set foot in either bedroom (good use of resources.)

Enough about me lets talk about Clayton Goos... People (Clayton) probably wonder why I pick on this person so much in my blog.

To that I have no real response. I make fun of his weight, and lets be honest, Clayton's supper could feed a small African nation for a week. Usually people poke fun at others for something they obviously aren't. I can walk up to Kyle Schroeder and say, "Hey pussy," knowing full well he is a badass. I wouldn't walk up to Trent Allen and say hey pussy. That would be awkward because it would be construed as serious and demeaning. What gives me the right to do this to Clayton? Beside my critical nature and knack for blatantly pointing out peoples shortcomings as I see them, Clayton possesses a knockout girlfriend. I think this is why people, like myself, feel the need to bring Clayton down so he doesn't get too high on himself. That way he doesn't forget that if he went swimming in the Pacific Ocean officials would probably think part of California broke off the mainland.

Lets talk about the Olympics.

Why are all women gymnasts on the U.S. team bombshells? Do they throw out all the uglies? One has to assume something is up with that. If there was at least one ugly girl on the roster I would probably feel assurance that the most athletically gifted field the team.

What is up with handball. That looks like something a lazy P.E. teacher would make up for kids to play so he could go drink booze in his office.

Michael Phelps. Wow, more gold medals than any person ever in the Olympics. Not to take anything away, but if Carl Lewis had the opportunity to run the 200 m dash, the 100 m dash, the 50 m dash, 50 m bear crawl, the 23 m potato sack, and the 4x50 single leg hop relay he might still have the record.

On the subject of sports, why hasn't John Zelasney started his fantasy football league. If he has, why hasn't he invited me. Can I start Jeter at quarterback?

Speaking of football. Why did Tyler Chambers fumble the ball, and our dreams of a state championship on the Manning 2 yard line in 2001?

Reminder: Nigel, $50.