I am the Claytong..

It is Monday night. I have to be awake in less than six hours. There really isn't much to talk about. Its not quite warm yet and I am out of milk but too lazy to go get some. Eating dry cereal is depressing.

Not quite as depressing as the bachelor.

I'm kidding. I have never watched it nor do I ever plan to. Apparently this wouldn't be true if I were a girl. I signed on facebook a little while ago and 75% of females status messages expressed their discontent with the alleged bachelor and his decision. A substantial portion submitted that their reaction included tears.

What the hell is wrong with girls?

Seriously...

Even further, I am pretty sure Chad's away message had something to do with the bachelor, but only god knows what actually goes on in Chad's head. So I'm going to excuse it.

Only reason anyone should ever cry is if their cat dies. Then I feel it is completely warranted.

Speaking of cats. My cat has been at my parents for the last few weeks... and my other cat has been there for the last few years. I am now at a standoff with my parents, who want to declaw Hertz, which I feel is unnecessary.

I need a quick way to get her back up to Iowa City before they take matters into their own hands.

I really like having her around the apartment anyway.... There is this morbid thought that involves my hypothetical death in my apartment alone with my cat. I know she loves me and depends on me, but if I died would she eat me?

If I died unexpectedly there is a 2-3 day span that I know nobody would check up on me. My parents would just think I am ignoring their phone calls . Only one person from school has been to my apartment so it isn't like anyone is going to investigate. Now that I am thinking about it, it may well be 5-15 days before anyone even suspects my death. In this situation I am 100% sure that Hertz would start eating me.

This idea has become quite pervasive when I am around her because I don't want to be found with my cat eating me. If she was a tiger or bear, thats one thing. But she is a house cat. Plus I am pretty sure if I was starving I wouldn't eat her. She is small and often smells of poop and fish.

In a new segment for my blog I have decided to reveal some text message conversations.

This week I spoke with John Zelasney and Claytong. For those who don't know, Claytong turns 21 this weekend.

First up was JZ

Author: Who is more successful? Macho Man Randy Savage or B-Rabbit from 8 Mile?

The Informer: Probably Macho Man because B-Rabbit didn't do anything besides win one underground battle.

Author: Are you going to Claytongs birthday?

The Informer: No I have to work

Author: Is there anything you'd rather have than a permanent Randy Moss jersey tattooed on your body?

The Informer: I am actually talking to a guy about making that happen, but my ultimate goal in life is to write a Randy Moss autobiography.

(Editors note: An autobiography of Randy Moss can only be written by Randy Moss... I am not sure if this response surprises me considering The Informer was a journalism major in college who quit school to work one semester shy of graduating with his bachelors degree...)

Author: What advice would you like to give kids?
The Informer:
- Probably the best advice ever.

Next I started talking to Zesty over at the Clean Update, but the interview hasn't concluded so I will hold off until its finalization.

Lastly I spoke with the birthday boy.

Author: As a conservative, what are your thoughts on Obama?

Claytong: I like him

Author: How many times per day do you shower?

Claytong: Times per day or times per week?

Author: Are you really going to make me repeat a text message?

Claytong: I pry shower three times a week at the most.

Author: Of those three times how often is it with your dad?

Claytong: Everytime *





* - may not depict actual response