The following post was erroneously left drafted and unpublished, as a result I present it to you approximately three weeks after it was written.
So I am approximately three weeks removed from my last post. I am sitting in "my" apartment, in Ames, reminicing about my extended stay at Iowa State University. I have decided to write about some of the funnest times I had in this wonderful environment from my first two years.
First year: A blur. Three different majors. Bad breakup. Hermit Crabs. Bitches. Body damage. College. Party.
I wish I could remember specific events from this time period. Unfortunately, I am left with flashbacks triggered by certain stimuli.
Quote of the year: My first night EVER in Ames. Phil was at a party and came home when I was laying in bed (I had a gf... well I thought I did). He started talking about this delicious honey he met that night, aparently they smashed. I leaned over the edge of my top bunk for inquiry. He said,"A.J., this girl was just awesome." He put his hands up in front of his face, fingers spread far apart and quasi-clenched inward. "She had beautiful, milky-white breasts."
I stopped Phil there because it was already disgusting. I thought, wow, if Phil can get laid the first night I'm up there then it is most definately, on. Turns out, it wasn't on. Fortunately my "girlfriend", we will protect her identity, was getting enough for the both of us though.
Lil Jon - To the windows to the wall. Living with Brad and Jace was a party every night. Literally. Not enough water in the living room? No problem, in-apartment water fights every Friday and Saturday night. Ate once a day (Wendy's or bread and salsa sandwich). Watched Jace jerk off, not in a gay way. More of an, 'I'm sexually attracted to Jace', way.
Fought Brad one night until he scissored me, actually put my head in a scissor lock until I gave up (not to be confused with Mr. Garrison's 'Scissor me timbers'. I took the loss out on Phil by going to our room and punching him in the face for a reason which was probably trivial at best. When he started crying I might have told him to stop being such a pussy.....
Wednesday nights at Kasey's apartment. Brad loved her, she loved booze. Anna, the gorgeous, blonde, Russian roommate who liked anal sex. (The girl I had a heart to heart with the first night I drank in Ames). If there was a company that manufactured dream girl's in a box, they would basically be making boxes and putting Anna inside of them.
Met the lovely Jennifer Avery. http://www.angelfire.com/creep/jennyfromtheblock/
All in all, a good year. 2.1 GPA in computer engineering, wore jean shorts and definately rocked my Tommy Hilfiger carpenters.
Second Year: Life at Sterling.
One theme to this year. Schroeder.
I moved out to Sterling with Kyla and Cieandra. Kyle moved up just to get away from Treynor. He worked and drank full time.
My first night in the apartment, Kyla had her boyfriend over. Huge dude, and not to be gay, but very good looking, and just an all around nice guy. After he left, I remember her telling me she was going to dump him and that her and I could be special roommates. Of course my ex girlfriend still had me wrapped around her finger... while her hands were wrapped around "said people's" cock, so I tucked my balls and didn't do anything about it. So gay.
As I mentioned earlier, Kyle loved drinking. Coincidently, he enjoyed picking fights too. One night he went to a frat party with his buddy, stole the keg tap. Later, he was confronted by four members of the frat on the street with his friend, and single-handedly beat up three of them at once. Consequently, he didn't fare so well about a week later when ten of them had a melee on his face. Somehow, to this day everyone unanimously agrees that Kyle still didn't get beat up that night.
Quote of the year: Kyle: "I wanna fuck you, bitch" to a girl he didn't know on the street. Why is his derrogatory and demeaning comment funny? Within an hour he was fucking that bitch.
Went to South Padre Texas with friends. Amazing time. Drank a ton, tanned, got raped, met some new people.
Best part... The bars. For some reason the moment we stepped inside the bars we were the biggest dorks ever. All eight of us crammed up in one corner just watching people dance... Some actually got the balls to venture down to the dancefloor, all they did was literally walk across the crowded dance floor from one side to the other... LOL. Making fun of ourselves that night with BJ was worth the expensive price of the trip.
Sex on the beach??? I don't remember... (I like to think of it as rape in the sand). Running through the crashing waves naked??? Nope. Sharing sex in a twin sized bed with two girls and BJ (not with BJ)... still nothing. Waking up the next morning... 1 girl... 2 girls.... No BJ... Good friend... Yeah girls, go ahead, take my favorite boxers and baseball shirt with my name on the back... You should probably head back to your own hotel room... Which is not here..
Practicality:
Do not watch 10,000 BC.
So I am approximately three weeks removed from my last post. I am sitting in "my" apartment, in Ames, reminicing about my extended stay at Iowa State University. I have decided to write about some of the funnest times I had in this wonderful environment from my first two years.
First year: A blur. Three different majors. Bad breakup. Hermit Crabs. Bitches. Body damage. College. Party.
I wish I could remember specific events from this time period. Unfortunately, I am left with flashbacks triggered by certain stimuli.
Quote of the year: My first night EVER in Ames. Phil was at a party and came home when I was laying in bed (I had a gf... well I thought I did). He started talking about this delicious honey he met that night, aparently they smashed. I leaned over the edge of my top bunk for inquiry. He said,"A.J., this girl was just awesome." He put his hands up in front of his face, fingers spread far apart and quasi-clenched inward. "She had beautiful, milky-white breasts."
I stopped Phil there because it was already disgusting. I thought, wow, if Phil can get laid the first night I'm up there then it is most definately, on. Turns out, it wasn't on. Fortunately my "girlfriend", we will protect her identity, was getting enough for the both of us though.
Lil Jon - To the windows to the wall. Living with Brad and Jace was a party every night. Literally. Not enough water in the living room? No problem, in-apartment water fights every Friday and Saturday night. Ate once a day (Wendy's or bread and salsa sandwich). Watched Jace jerk off, not in a gay way. More of an, 'I'm sexually attracted to Jace', way.
Fought Brad one night until he scissored me, actually put my head in a scissor lock until I gave up (not to be confused with Mr. Garrison's 'Scissor me timbers'. I took the loss out on Phil by going to our room and punching him in the face for a reason which was probably trivial at best. When he started crying I might have told him to stop being such a pussy.....
Wednesday nights at Kasey's apartment. Brad loved her, she loved booze. Anna, the gorgeous, blonde, Russian roommate who liked anal sex. (The girl I had a heart to heart with the first night I drank in Ames). If there was a company that manufactured dream girl's in a box, they would basically be making boxes and putting Anna inside of them.
Met the lovely Jennifer Avery. http://www.angelfire.com/creep/jennyfromtheblock/
All in all, a good year. 2.1 GPA in computer engineering, wore jean shorts and definately rocked my Tommy Hilfiger carpenters.
Second Year: Life at Sterling.
One theme to this year. Schroeder.
I moved out to Sterling with Kyla and Cieandra. Kyle moved up just to get away from Treynor. He worked and drank full time.
My first night in the apartment, Kyla had her boyfriend over. Huge dude, and not to be gay, but very good looking, and just an all around nice guy. After he left, I remember her telling me she was going to dump him and that her and I could be special roommates. Of course my ex girlfriend still had me wrapped around her finger... while her hands were wrapped around "said people's" cock, so I tucked my balls and didn't do anything about it. So gay.
As I mentioned earlier, Kyle loved drinking. Coincidently, he enjoyed picking fights too. One night he went to a frat party with his buddy, stole the keg tap. Later, he was confronted by four members of the frat on the street with his friend, and single-handedly beat up three of them at once. Consequently, he didn't fare so well about a week later when ten of them had a melee on his face. Somehow, to this day everyone unanimously agrees that Kyle still didn't get beat up that night.
Quote of the year: Kyle: "I wanna fuck you, bitch" to a girl he didn't know on the street. Why is his derrogatory and demeaning comment funny? Within an hour he was fucking that bitch.
Went to South Padre Texas with friends. Amazing time. Drank a ton, tanned, got raped, met some new people.
Best part... The bars. For some reason the moment we stepped inside the bars we were the biggest dorks ever. All eight of us crammed up in one corner just watching people dance... Some actually got the balls to venture down to the dancefloor, all they did was literally walk across the crowded dance floor from one side to the other... LOL. Making fun of ourselves that night with BJ was worth the expensive price of the trip.
Sex on the beach??? I don't remember... (I like to think of it as rape in the sand). Running through the crashing waves naked??? Nope. Sharing sex in a twin sized bed with two girls and BJ (not with BJ)... still nothing. Waking up the next morning... 1 girl... 2 girls.... No BJ... Good friend... Yeah girls, go ahead, take my favorite boxers and baseball shirt with my name on the back... You should probably head back to your own hotel room... Which is not here..
Practicality:
Do not watch 10,000 BC.
